• President's Message
• Editor's Note
• World Zionist Congress Election Results
• A Day in the Park-Sunday May 19th
• Annual Congregational Meeting
• 17th Annual World Congress of GLBT Jews
• B'Nai Mitzvah Classes…Are You Interested?
• Thoughts About Custom & Ritual
• BA Website Links Wanted
• Family Havdalah PJ Party Becomes The Kid's Chavurah
• 110 People Gather for Beth Ahavah's Seder
• California Congregation Celebrates 30 Years
• Friday Night Speaker Series
• Book Club Flourishes at B.A.
• Continuing Education
• Post-Passover Pasta Party-Primo!

I hope this much-awaited edition of the Shofar finds you doing well.

I wanted to talk about attending the film Trembling Before G-d. It's a documentary about gay and lesbian Hasidic and Orthodox Jews. I wanted to share with you how the film impacted me, particularly as president of a special place like Beth Ahavah.

As president of the synagogue, it is easy to get lost in the day-to-day operations, and I have to admit that at times I get frustrated. It can be a challenge to smile when I enter the shul on Shabbat, and rather than wishing me a "Shabbat Shalom," people greet me with questions about the budget, complaints about the temperature of the room, or other various synagogue operational tsuris (Yiddish for "trouble").

After seeing this film, I want to stop my complaining and say to any of you who ever shared your opinion, challenged me with a complaint, approached me or another synagogue leader with an idea- be it on Shabbat, High Holy Days, on the phone at home at 11:00 at night- THANK YOU! It is your ideas, your voice, and quite honestly, it is your tsuris that gives breadth and meaning to our work in the community.

Watching Trembling Before G-d, hearing the desperate struggle of gay and lesbian Jews from Hasidic and Orthodox backgrounds, reminded me of how important it is that there be a Beth Ahavah now and in the future. As g/l/b/t Jews, we need places like Beth Ahavah to raise and value to our voices. It is a place to celebrate our life-cycle events, learn and live Jewish culture, reconnect, and at times, reshape Jewish values, and provide a safe space for us to own and practice Judaism as we interpret it as individuals and as a community.

At a private screening for our congregation, in a room filled to capacity, I watched for two hours the pain of men and women struggling with self-hatred and rejection by their families and communities. Ironically, these "families" and "communities" claim to be devoted to living their lives in a way that serves G-d, as G-d has commanded. I watched religious radicals in the film wailing and screaming about "men laying with men," "sin," "abominations," and so forth. Then I questioned: how can anyone who turns their back on their sister, brother, son, daughter, friend- do so in the name of G-d and community? I found plenty of "sin" and "abomination" in the film and I found it on the part of the anti-gay elements. I listened as they twisted Jewish law to support misogyny, homophobia, and their agenda of hate.

As I sat there in the room, I thanked G-d for each and every one of you, and for the opportunity to be a part of, and a servant of our community. I am grateful my struggle with my identity has been mild and I pray for the strength and motivation to keep serving G-d by working for the good, welfare, and longevity of Beth Ahavah.

As a community, we need to keep yelling. We need to keep working to reshape the misogyny and homophobia out of what some term "Jewish" and reclaim it, so we can pray Shema Yisrael-Hear, Israel, the Lord is our G-d- not as some would have us believe, Shema Yisrael…Hear only Israel who lives as we say, the Lord is only our G-d. As the Torah says, the bond between the Jewish people and G-d is an accessible relationship for all of us.

More than any kind of hatred against us, it is most abhorrent to me to think that there are Jews out there who invalidate our existence and experience as g/b/l/t people. The Jewish people are a people who know only too well the danger of hatred. Yet, after watching the film, it seems there are still members of our people who do not recognize the toxicity of hate.

We're a little behind…OK, a lot behind… in publishing The Shofar. Our apologies to those whose birthdays, anniversaries, or other special events went unmarked in the past several months. Be kind and forgiving while we catch up with the news.

The voice of religious tolerance and inclusion wins-- again! In another landslide, ARZA/WORLD UNION won 61 of the 145 delegates elected to the World Zionist Congress in June. The win with 42% of the vote was almost double that of our nearest competitors, the Conservative and Orthodox movements.

There was tremendous support by Reform rabbis, cantors, educators, lay leaders, synagogue activists, and volunteers for the campaign. This year was particularly hard. The fighting in Israel continued daily and the September 11th attacks happened immediately after the campaign began. It was difficult to keep congregations focused on the campaign, but the hard work paid off. Now it will allow the Reform and Reconstructionist movements to be represented effectively in Israel.

Commemorating 100 years of Jewish history and building community around Philadelphia, a day and evening of celebration has been planned in Fairmount Park. 5,000-7,000 people are expected! Afternoon in the Park, from 1:00 to 6:00 p.m., is being held in front of Memorial Hall. Guests will be greeted by a colorful array of balloon-festooned tents. In a carnival-like atmosphere, there will be a registration area, food court, cooking demos, crafts fair, continuous entertainment, and a children's area. The headliner for the day will be well-known Jewish singer and songwriter, Debbie Friedman. Please stop by the B.A. table and say hello!

Thursday, June 13th, 7:00 p.m.

Please come to the Annual Congregation Meeting! Vote to elect new Board members and to pass the ever-popular annual budget. If you can't make the meeting, then please send in your proxy.

The World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews and the Agudah-the National Association of GLBT in Israel-are firm in their decision to hold the conference as planned, and make it the best conference ever as a sign of commitment to the thriving GLBT community in Israel.

There's a great word I learned when (in a former life) I was a Lubavitcher (Chasid) and that is "minhag." Minhag means custom. As your Ritual Committee Chair, I have been trying to pull together all of Beth Ahavah's minhagim (customs).

I'm new at this. Sometimes I may be going out on a limb in interpreting B.A.'s minhagim. But I can reassure myself, that if I am too far out on a limb, I can count on one of you to come up to me and say, "Did you know…?" And I will surely say, "Hmmm, I didn't know that Beth Ahavah did that in the past, but maybe if we think about it, we might decide to do it differently now or the future. Or not. But it's worth talking about."

We just passed the holiday of Lag B'Omer (the 33rd day of the counting of the Omer), so we are beyond the halfway point between Pesach and Shavuot. Shavuot is the festival when we come together and celebrate the receiving of the Torah. On Wednesday, May 15th, Beth Ahavah, along with all of the other congregations of the Center City Kehillah, will meet at Kesher Israel at 4th and Lombard to celebrate Shavuot. Call the synagogue office for details.

I remember one Shavuot my friends and I met at my shul and, as is traditional minhag, planned on studying all night in preparation for receiving the Torah the next day. This custom is called Tikkun L'eil Shavuot. We talked, studied, argued...ate some food, argued some more… and then faded out by 12:30 AM and went home. Oh well, we tried.

Shavuot is a time, according to Jewish minhag, when we say Yizkor for members of our family who have passed away. We communally remember our departed on the Yahrzeit date (the anniversary of the death), on Yom Kippur, and on each of the three festivals: Simchat Torah (end of Sukkot), Pesach, and Shavuot.

So, what's my point? My point is, this is interesting stuff! And maybe you'd be willing to join the Ritual Committee? It will be an enriching experience, I promise, and you'd be serving your community.

By now you know that the congregation's website has a new design. So, you're thinking to yourself, the webmaven's work is done, right? Wrong! A website is all about linking and that's where I am now turning my webmavenly attentions. A website like ours includes all kinds of links: links to information you want to access quickly, links to detailed resource information, links to let the membership contact the leadership, and links to other organizations in the larger community.

I recently added a page containing special email links for members of our congregation leadership. Now, it's easy to email the board of directors or a committee head. Want to send a question to the treasurer? Just email treasurer@bethahavah.org.

Got a suggestion for the Men's Club? Just email men@bethahavah.org. These special email addresses became possible when we got our own domain name - "bethahavah.org." You can find all of these email links on the "Contacting B.A." page.

My next project is revamping the "Links to Other Websites" page. We currently include links to sites that are of Jewish interest, g/l/b/t interest. We also provide links to sites about AIDS and about Philadelphia issues. Here's where I need your help. The current list of sites has not been updated for a while. There must be some great new sites out there. What are they? Are your favorite sites on the B.A. list of links? If not, please send me the URL so I can include it. Drop me an email at… you got it… webmaven@bethahavah.org.

Everyone had a great time at the Havdalah Pajama Party held at B.A. The latest fashions were seen, from princess-wear and Superman, to big puppy slippers worn by an adult congregant, who was there with her sister and niece.

Our thanks to Gloria who led the Havdalah service and explained each step to the children and adults. Then, Gloria facilitated a popular "shema pillow" art project. Everyone had so much fun that they decided to make this a monthly event to be held at alternating members' homes.

Just like our Israelite ancestors wandering through the desert and putting up a tent (mishkhan) wherever they stopped to camp, we decided to "take the show on the road." Beth Ahavah's Board of Directors, realizing the space at 8 Letitia Street had become too small for this annual event, decided to move the seder off-site.

As the new Chair of the Ritual Committee, I launched a search for a new site. Congregation Rodeph Shalom on Broad Street graciously agreed to let us use their social and banquet hall on the third night, for our annual community celebration of Pesach.

My partner and I, who also are active in Dignity, the Catholic g/l/b organization, and were talking to them about Beth Ahavah and the Jewish festival of Pesach. I spoke of the Jewish concept of mitzvot and how it might relate to the Christian "blessings" and how our Torah relates that at Sinai there was a "mixed multitude" of people, i.e. Israelites and anyone else who wanted to leave Egypt. So, the call to remember and celebrate an authentic Passover is really open to all who might want to experience it. It was decided to invite the folks from Dignity to share our seder.

The Ritual Committee swung into action and got together the million details, seder plates, haggadot, Kosher food caterers, registration information, and estimated costs. On March 29th, 110 people gathered together at Congregation Rodeph Shalom. We were led by Rabbi Linda Holtzman. This was the largest B.A. seder ever and the first time we were host to a large contingent of visitors. The presidents of our two organizations led the opening prayer. Next year, our seder might not be in Jerusalem, but it will be held in a space large enough to accommodate all who want to attend. Perhaps we'll have a reading from Kerouac's On the Road? Now, we look forward to the festival of Shavuot-cheese blintzes and kugel!

This year, 2002, is the 30th anniversary of Beth Chayim Chadashim of Los Angeles. The world's first synagogue founded by gay and lesbian Jews is celebrating its historic place in Jewish history, as well as in the history of lgbt spiritual life.

For years, different people have suggested it, and now, it's happening. Once a month, almost every month, in place of the sermon at Friday night services, we have a speaker. The person may be a member of B.A., or not. But so far, what they all have in common is that they are members of both the Jewish and gblt communities. Our intent in doing this series is twofold: to bring great speakers to B.A. in order to open up our world and meet and hear from some very special people, and for those people to meet us and hear from us at the oneg. Our four speakers/presenters to date all gave talks that were very well received by the congregation. The speakers, have caused people to think, moved people in ways they didn't expect, opened new doors and new ways of looking at things, and made us laugh, too.

The series kicked off in December with Mark Segal, founder and publisher of the Philadelphia Gay News and long-time gay activist. We were thrilled he was joined at services by his partner and his nephew. Mark made a connection between the dysfunctional families and communities we've known and how we've felt as outsiders, to the story of Joseph - that week's parashah!

February gave us Leslie Polss, a long time member of Beth Ahavah and serious linguist. She talked about the power of words, how words can be used without knowing their meanings, and consequently hurt without intent.

Julie Davids, a prominent AIDS activist and lecturer, was our speaker in March. She looked back over her Jewish upbringing, her 13 years of AIDS work and spoke of the different values and analyses she uses to understand the world. She spoke also about the seruv movement of Israeli soldiers, reading poignant writings from their web site, writings of proud Israelis who oppose the occupation of the West Bank and won't serve there.

In April, Jerry Silverman showed his "not your usual slides of eastern Europe." This was the first time slides from his 2000 trip have been shown publicly. The slides and his commentary took us through East Germany, the Czech Republic, Hungary, Poland and Lithuania, looking at Jewish life and especially at the museums and memorials to the Holocaust, including many of the concentration camps.

It's not too late to join the literature lovers at a Sunday afternoon "salon." In fact, we're hoping summer's slower pace will allow more folks to come. Read these books on the beach! You never know who may be watching.

• June 2: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
• July 7: A Cross and a Star by Marjorie Agosin
• August 4: Walking the Bible by Bruce Feiler

Illness and death are part of the cycle of life for all of us. Eventually, we are almost certain to be brought face-to-face with the illness and death of someone we love. It might help to know that, like us, great Jewish thinkers have been wrestling with the same thoughts and fears, grief and hopes, for centuries. We had the opportunity, this year, to explore some of our questions and feelings with members of our own congregation.

The Adult Education Committee of Congregation Beth Ahavah brought in a speaker, through Jewish Family Services, for two Sunday evening forums. We had time share our own experiences and to learn from our rich tradition (and to eat dinner, of course). Rabbi Rochelle Robins joined us to facilitate, teach, share her personal family experiences, and those she garnered in her years of chaplaincy work.

Each topic was explored in a variety of ways. Rabbi Robins allowed for sharing personal experiences, a writing exercise, and a discussion of Biblical and Talmudic texts.

In the first forum, "Caring for Your Aging Parents," we were advised to discuss with our parent/s, well in advance, legal documentation of their wishes, housing options (there may be long waiting lists for the most appealing housing options), and day programs. Find out what is available to support your parent aside from yourself and your siblings. These are understandably difficult things to talk about. Recognize that no one is going to be comfortable with the change in family roles!

If you're actively caring for a parent, take care of yourself as well. Get as much education as you can on the aging process. Find help options for you, the caregiver, like pastoral support and counseling, support groups, your community, and newsletters, books, and journals for caregivers. Ask for help.

Our Jewish tradition requires that we honor our mother and our father (Exodus 20:12) but our sages also recognized that in a family, a complex and difficult institution, it is sometimes "the most difficult of all mitzvot [to] honor your father and your mother" (Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai). It is recognized you must do the best you can, but if the burden becomes too great, you can seek help and let someone else, more qualified or more able, care for your parent/s.

The second forum, "Coping with Grief and Loss: Adults Losing a Parent," again gave participants an opportunity to share personal experiences, as well as explore their feelings in an interesting writing exercise, and discuss Jewish texts.

The writing exercise began with each of us writing a sentence or short paragraph about something to do with the topic. It was moving to read what others had shared honestly about their own pain, beliefs, and hopes:

"I can remember so clearly exactly how her cheek felt when I kissed her."

"We weren't allowed to cry at the viewing or the funeral."

"I do believe that our souls are reborn."

"I love his spirit much more than I ever enjoyed his company."

"Sitting shiva was very difficult…no one was remembering the same person I thought I knew."

"I believe I can communicate with my mother at certain times."

The text study led to some interesting discussion about Jewish ideas about the afterlife, the coming of the Messiah, and the resurrection. Because Christians use these terms frequently, we almost do not recognize them as essentially Jewish concepts, or at least that traditional Jewish texts address these ideas that are often difficult for contemporary Jews.

If you are interested in reading further about these topics, Rabbi Robins recommended the following books:

• Berrin, Susan. A Heart of Wisdom: Making the Jewish Journey From Midlife Through Elder Years. Jewish Lights Publishing, 1999.
• Cohen, Donna. Caring for Your Aging Parents: A Planning and Action Guide. J.P.Tarcher Publishing, 1995.
• Greenberg, Vivian E. Respecting Your Limits When Caring for Aging Parents. Jossey-Bass, 1998.
• Mace, Nancy L. and Rabins, Peter V. The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer's Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses and Memory Loss in Later Life. Warner Books, 2001.
• Morris, Virginia. How to Care for Aging Parents. Workman Publishing, 1996.
• Schachter-Shalomi, Zalman and Miller, Ronald S. From Age-ing to Sage-ing. Warner Books, 1997.
• Brener, Anne. Mourning and Mitzvah: A Guided Journal for Walking the Mourner's Path Through Grief to Healing. Jewish Lights Publishing, 1993.
• Levy, Naomi. To Begin Again: The Journey Toward Comfort, Strength, and Faith in Difficult Times. Ballantine Books, 1999.