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Supporting All Roads to Justice: An Update
"Thrilling." Anyone who has asked me what it was like to attend the town meeting in Haddonfield, New Jersey, on April 8th has received that one-word response. Over 500 people gathered in the basement of the First Presbyterian Church of Haddonfield to show support both for the domestic partnership legislation which is being proposed, and for the seven gay and lesbian plaintiff couples who have sued the State of New Jersey for the right to enter into civil marriages.
Congregation Beth Ahavah, one of the many co-sponsors of this event, was well-represented by more than a dozen members and friends. While, theoretically, a town meeting serves as a forum for all voices to be heard, every person who spoke was overwhelming-ly supportive of the lawsuit. Representatives from NOW-NJ, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU spoke movingly about the issues at stake, but the evening clearly belonged to the four plaintiff couples who were present.
The mayor of Haddonfield introduced Marilyn Maneely and Diane Marini, Haddonfield residents who have been together for eleven years and raised five children together. Their goal is simple: they want to be just another married couple in their community. Thunderous applause followed Diane's introduction of her 86-year-old clearly supportive mother.
Craig Hutchison and Chris Lodewyks have been together for over thirty years. The obvious depth of their commitment to each other deserves the legal recognition that civil marriage confers.
Mark Lewis and Dennis Winslow are Episcopal pastors who have been together for ten years. Mark spoke about the irony of having officiated at numerous hetero-sexual weddings while being legally barred from enjoying the benefits of marriage himself.
Karen and Marcye Nicholson-McFadden have been together for twelve years and have two children. Second-parent adoption is legal in New Jersey, and the non-biological mother is the legal parent of their two-year-old son. Their six-week-old daughter was with them, and they explained, sometimes in tears, that they are awaiting her birth certificate, without which the non-biological mother cannot adopt her. The irony of their situation is that, although each of them will eventually be the legal parent of both children, and the two children will eventually be legal siblings, without the benefit of marriage, the two mothers have no legal relationship to each other.
State Senator John Adler and Assembly Leader Joseph Roberts each spoke about the pending domestic partnership legislation. Although each is committed to its passage, neither was optimistic the legislation will pass this year.
On Sunday, May 4, 2003, an editorial endorsing the right to civil marriage for gay and lesbian couples appeared in the Newark Star-Ledger, NJ's largest and most influential newspaper. On Monday, May 5, the Jersey Journal published the results of a poll of Hudson County residents concerning the legalization of marriage for gay and lesbian couples. The results of the poll, conducted in a county considered primarily working-class, blue collar and Catholic, indicated that 55.6% of those polled favored civil marriage for gay and lesbian couples; only 34.2% were opposed.
Thrilling.
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President's Message
As I am writing this, the entire GLBT community has just finished a full week of activities for the Equality Forum (formerly PrideFest). The week culminates with SundayOut, an all day street festival in the "gayborhood." Thanks to the hard work of Scott Gansl, Beth Ahavah was well represented, with not only a table full of BA literature, but huge bowls of popcorn and pretzels to attract the throngs of people. As is our custom every year at SundayOut, my partner, Abbe, and I spend several hours at the table to meet and greet people who want to learn more about BA and join our mailing list. Although most of the people I talked to that day were friendly and interested, the comments of one particular woman weigh heavily on my mind. I had never met this woman, yet she came up to the table and said to me, "Just an FYI. You would be more successful getting new members if your synagogue was friendlier." She went on to tell me that she had come to BA several times in the past and that it had not been a good experience. Even more disturbing to me was the fact that she said that some of her friends had had similar negative experiences at BA.
My first thought was, this couldn't be my BA she was talking about. My BA is about the warmest, most friendly place I can think of. My BA is a place where friends treat one another like family. I couldn't imagine how she had had the experiences she was describing. Instead of becoming defensive, I decided to listen to what she had to say. I also tried to remember what it feels like to walk into a room full of strangers when you don't know a soul. I remembered how scared to death I was the first time I walked into BA; I even remember sitting in my car until one minute to eight so I wouldn't be too early for services. And as I listened and remembered, I made a vow that if it were up to me, no one would ever again be able to say that BA was not a friendly or welcoming place. I hope everyone in the BA family will take a minute to remember how it feels to be a stranger and join me in actively and warmly welcoming new friends and members to our BA community.
B'shalom, Shelly
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A Note from the Editor
I recently attended the BA Shabbat service that featured guest speakers Rabbis Sue Levi Elwell and Rebecca Alpert. We also heard from that evening's service leader, our rabbinic intern, Susan Falk. We were fortunate to have the opportunity to hear about their experiences and insights as lesbian rabbis.
Afterwards, I kept thinking about some of the things that were said, which is, I suppose, the point of having guest speakers. There seemed to be an implication that because there is increased acceptance for members of the GLBT community in some arenas, we need to vigilantly maintain our own sense of "other-ness," looking to the fringes of the GLBT world to keep our "edge." In one sense, when can "lesbian rabbis" become simply, rabbis? And should they?
I kept thinking, are we really so different? Would sexual orientation be the overarching identifier it is, if there haven't been so many reasons to hide it/flaunt it/tolerate it/embrace it? It has always seemed to me that the labels "different," "other," and "queer" have been a stigma imposed upon us by the fearful, the ignorant, and the paranoid. So, do we have to maintain the ghetto if the door is open?
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P-Town to Host Regional GLBT Conference
Ahhh, summer, and the living is easy. What could be better than Province-town in August? This summer, you'll have a chance to experience one of the world's favorite gay resorts, while connecting with gay and lesbian Jews from around the globe.
Join over 150 GLBT Jews at the 9th Eastern Regional Conference of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews, August 15-17, at the Provincetown Inn. This summer's theme reflects the destination: Waves of Change: Building GLBT Jewish Commun-ties in the 21st Century.
Sponsored by The World Congress of GLBT Jews, this year's conference is being hosted by two World Congress organizations, Am Tikva and Keshet, working in conjunction with the combined Jewish philanthropies of Boston. This year's conference will again have an international flavor as the World Congress' annual board meeting will precede the conference in Boston at the head-quarters of the Jewish Federation.
Conference registration includes 2 nights lodging, 5 meals, all seminars, snacks and entertain-ment, as well as free parking. All rates are based on double occupancy. Early bird fee, received by May 23rd is $295, and only $345 to June 27th.
For a registration form, visit the World Congress website at www.glbtjews.org, e-mail the conference committee at
nerc2003@GLBTJEWS.org or contact the BA office,
Box 8.
Still have questions? Contact Priscilla at the Am Tikva hotline at 617-883-0893 or Scott Gansl at 609-396-1972. Travel arrangements, as well as hotel stays prior to and after the conference, are available from the destination meeting coordinator, Argo Tours, 1-800-581-7882 or e-mail
rami@argotours.com.
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BA Seder is Community Favorite
Beth Ahavah's annual seder was a smashing success. The Board of Directors would like to thank everyone who helped out. Diane Weinberg, Scott Gansl and Jeffrey Strauss acted as coordinators. It was, as usual, a huge undertaking, between the schlepping and preparing, to feed 73 people. We owe a debt of gratitude to Congregation Rodeph Shalom for allowing us to use their space for the second year in a row, to Ricardo Ben Safed for his outreach to our friends at Dignity, the gay Catholic organization, who joined us for a second year, and Ruth Schachter and Gloria Becker who, year after year, prepare some of the yummiest charoset you've ever tasted. Ask them sometime for their Yemenite recipe which uses cayenne pepper and lots of ginger! Of course the seder wouldn't be complete if it weren't for the incredible leadership of Rabbi Linda Holtzman. This year, the congregation was also blessed by the generosity of our next-door neighbors on Letitia Street, Winebow and David D'Amore, who donated all of our kosher-for-Passover wine. Many others, too numerous to mention, came early and stayed late to set-up and clean up. Thanks for making the seder a success.
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Next Stop Jerusalem
When I first came to Congregation Beth Ahavah, I was trying to find a place for myself once again in the American Jewish community. Although many American Jews identify themselves as secular and have no religious or synagogue affiliation, I could not help but feel that cutting myself from Judaism religiously would ultimately leave me without an underlying tether to Jewish culture. At the same time, I could not reconcile myself to being a part of a religious community that was uncompromising and at odds with so many aspects of my life and views.
The solution to this problem did not come to me until I came out to myself and to my family as gay in early 2000 and became involved with Beth Ahavah. In many ways, joining BA felt like rejoining a community that I had once been a part of. It was refreshing and wonderful to be back in a Jewish environment that had all of the passionate debate, kind warmth and comforting support that I had grown up with in the congregation of my youth. I was amazed at how a single event like a Purim shpiel, a Simchat Torah visit to New York, or a post-Passover pasta party could bring us all closer to each other and create a safe space in which we all could share and grow. In a short time, Beth Ahavah became my home.
Coming out and joining BA moved me on a spiritual level as well. I came to realize that my relationship with God and with Judaism did not have to be an adversarial one and could instead be open and honest. Beth Ahavah gave me new perspectives on Judaism, teaching me that Jewish rules need not be treated in a take-it-or-leave-it fashion, but can be construed and deciphered according to one's own standpoint and understanding. Thus, I began to understand that, instead of being inflexible rules translated by rabbis, Jewish laws may be interpreted by individuals in accordance with the times in which we live.
This approach drew me into the Jewish community in a religious way that I had long yearned for and opened the door to being a member of the community not only in a social or cultural sense, but in a religious sense as well. One of the most moving moments of my life occurred when my parents, grandparents and other family members attended Beth Ahavah's Rosh Hashanah services and beamed as I chanted the Torah and Haftarah portions before the community of which I had become a part.
In less than two months, I will be leaving for Israel to begin my studies at Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion. Beth Ahavah has been one of the primary inspirations for me to go to rabbinical school, and I will be forever grateful to those of you who helped me find my way.
A special mazel tov to Seth Goren on his acceptance to Hebrew Union College in NYC where he will studying to become a rabbi. He was also awarded the prestigious Wexner Fellowship.
Seth is going to be studying in Israel for most of next year, and has agreed to email news from Israel as The Shofar's foreign correspondent!
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Best Friends Honored
Honoring and remembering our pets feels like such a right thing to do! After all, our pets give us so much more than we can give back. They provide comfort, companionship and unconditional love. No matter what kind of day we had, they are there to greet us and love us.
Recently, we gathered together as Rabbi Linda Holtzman lovingly led our annual pet service with a mix of prayers and songs that brought our pets close to our hearts. While the week's Torah portion only briefly mentioned goat hair, ram's skin, and seal skin, Rabbi Holtzman managed to weave honoring our pets into her drash. Each of us could participate by articulating and describing what kind of love our pets express to us. In addition to our usual upbeat Kabbalat Shabbat songs, we also sang, "A Place in the Choir" (All God's Critters) by Bill Staines, and "You Can't Make a Turtle Come Out" by Malvina Reynolds. We recited "Kaddish for a Beloved Pet" by Steve Kirschner, a rabbinical student and member of Beth Ahavah. This poem/prayer praises G-d and asks G-d to watch over our pets that are no longer blessing us in life. Our service honored our pets and G-d's creatures who have long survived in this world without humankind's help.
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Thought-Provoking Speakers Series Continues
With no more postponements due to bad weather or illness, the Speakers Series has continued to bring thought-provoking and informative guests to BA. On March 14, we welcomed Sue Hoffman, Associate Director of The Shefa Fund, who talked about how her world view was affected by the different parts of her identity. April 11, we welcomed Beth Ahavah member Lynn Zeitlin, lawyer and activist, who spoke about what her epitaph might be. During the Equality Forum in May, we had an evening devoted to two editors of the book Lesbian Rabbis. Rabbi Rebecca Alpert, Rabbi Sue Levi Elwell, and our own rabbinic intern, Susan Falk, challenged us to not lose our role as a GLBT community. What will our edge be? How will we be different? Are we too concerned with "being like everyone else?" This, for me, brought up the question that if BA is just like every other synagogue, then why should it exist? What is its reason for being? If it is different, and we can identify what is different about it and why that's important, then BA has a future. At least that's what I took away from the talk.
So what's next? We had scheduled BA member and President of the World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Jews, Scott Gansl, to speak in June. However, Scott has been asked to speak at the Jerusalem gay pride parade. So we'll have to hear Scott another time.
If you would like to continue the Speakers Series and would like to help make it happen, please get in touch with me at naomirie@aol.com.
Note from the editor:
Interesting programming like this can't happen on its own. Please help out!
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Interfaith Spirituality Enriches Both
I got involved with Dignity through my partner, Bill. Early on, we recognized that each other's sense of spirituality was deeply connected to who we are. We tease one another gently. "Well my tribe does it this way. How does your tribe do it?" We're a committed interfaith couple with five years together, and we wouldn't even want to try to change the other. Bill is a graduate of St. Charles Seminary (the major seminary for priests in the Philadelphia area). He missed getting ordained as a priest by a whisker, after seven years of study and training. Bill is still an ordained Catholic deacon. I had a traditional Jewish background with three years' study in a yeshiva.
Dignity Catholics are similar to BA'ers, in the sense that we are all trying to find a valid way to be both spiritual in our own religious traditions and to be part of the GLBT community. We join to meet each other and to have fun, too.
I have many friends at Dignity, as Bill does here at BA. One thing I've discovered going to Dignity with Bill was that I had to junk all my preconceived notions about Catholicism. And I finally came to understand that, while they often use the same words or terms as we do, they define the words and the terms very differently. But they have accepted my questions and suggestions with good nature. They no longer refer to the Old Testament. They read from the Hebrew Scriptures.
Dignity, like BA, has different service leaders or "presiders" at each service. Dignity meets on Sunday nights, 7 PM, in the basement of St. Luke's Episcopal Church. They are not recognized by the Archbishop or by Cardinal Bevilaqua. They are affiliated with National Dignity. Bill tells me their Mass is valid because it is performed by an ordained priest, but it is also "illicit." This means that the Diocese will not give its permission for a priest to be a presider/service leader. At the church, there are several wall panels with the names of Dignity members who have died of AIDS, similar to our yahrzeit panels.
Dignity members are interested in learning about Judaism. I remember that when Liz Rolle was our rabbi, they invited her to come and deliver the sermon. She was very warmly received. After that, they organized a bus trip to Washington to visit the Holocaust Museum.
Now, for the second consecutive year, 23 members of Dignity attended Beth Ahavah's Passover seder. When I first approached them with the invitation to our community seder, I received an enthusiastic response. I told them this was the appointed time for Passover, and that our tradition encourages us to invite a stranger to come and enjoy a meal with us. I have received many positive comments from them that they enjoyed it and that it is a special event for them.
I like to think that we are accomplishing a mitzvah when we invite Dignity to celebrate with us at Passover. Meeting each other and talking clarifies misunderstandings and can help to remove biases.
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