• Erev Christmas
• The Men's Club/NFTB -- Not Just Brunches Anymore
• Rabbi's Address
• President's Message
• A Special Donation
• Hebrew Class for Beginners
• Calling All Singers
• Better Than Cheesecake
• I Came Home
• More Bubbe's "Chicken Soup" Financial Advice
• UAHC and the Boy Scouts

It was a bitter, cold evening as Congregation Beth Ahavah members, partners, and their friends ascended the grand staircase at the Noodle Pagoda Cafe in Old City, to the balcony where the traditional "Erev Christmas Chinese Food Fress" was about to begin. Hugs and kisses were everywhere as friends greeted each other for this most holy of evenings on the Beth Ahavah social calendar. The balcony provided a commanding view of the diners in the cafe below, believed to be straight goyim, enjoying their Christmas pudding, Chinese style. President David Wohlsifer warmly greeted everyone and announced there were over 50 present, a record number for this always-popular event.

Being the third night of Chanukah, candles were lit and the blessings sung. The goyim below looked up in awe. Some, upon learning what was going on, dropped their chopsticks in their pork lo mein.

The Noodle Pagoda wait staff began to bring on the food, and it was plentiful! In compliance with the recent 5-4 U.S. Supreme Court ruling requiring equal protection for vegetarians, the vegetarians were scattered throughout the crowd and were not required to wear a pea-green "V" as in previous years. Platters of dumplings, chicken, string beans, asparagus, tofu, noodles and so much more were graciously served. Cookies were served for dessert. No fruit was served, the waiters believing there were enough fruits in the room already.

The noise level grew as the evening progressed and the "dish" started to fly. "How old do you think he is, he must be more than 16." "Who is that woman next to him? He's not straight, is he?" "I heard they set a date to be married." "Is she seeing that woman?" Meanwhile, on the main dining floor below, one of the goyim was heard to comment: "Gee, maybe we should become one of those lesbian, gay, or bisexual Jews, as they seem to be having a great time - on our big holiday." (Just stick with your Christmas pudding.)

The evening culminated with the customary singing of Happy Anniversary to a couple of members who were celebrating their 4th. Generous helpings of delicious cake were passed around for everyone to enjoy. On a fashion note, one member was wearing a fabulous blinking Chanukah sweatshirt which she gladly pulled up (it didn't take much coaxing) to show she was wired like a terrorist to put on her display, which rivaled the lights at Longwood Gardens.

Door prizes, compliments of Noodle Pagoda Cafe, were awarded. As the B.A. crowd floated down from the balcony, it was unanimously agreed that this was the best Erev Christmas Chinese Food Fress ever.

It was a chilly Saturday night on December 9th and the men of Beth Ahavah wanted to try something a little different. Brunches? We've done that. Trips? We've done that too. Let's keep it simple. And so the idea of a "Movie and Pizza night" was born. David Wohlsifer opened up his "box in the sky" (and what better place to eat pizza!) to all the men of Beth Ahavah and their guests. Those who attended were treated to a delightful night of nosh, schmoozing, and the movie, Relax, It's Just Sex.

The movie had never been released on the East Coast. It was entertaining, poignant, and at other times very disturbing. It gave us a chance to both laugh and cry in the company of other Beth Ahavah friends. (I heard a rumor that a few even cried because the movie was not pornographic.)

The Men's Club is again coming up with great new ideas -- next up will be a "Sushi and Vodka" night at another member's home in Center City (and yes, there will be alternative munchies). We hope to see you there!

Shalom!

As I sit to write this article, we are rapidly approaching the shortest day of the year, the time where there is the most darkness and the least light. The holiday of Chanukah, which comes during this time has many meanings. One we often forget is that it really is a time during which we bring light to darkness. The ancient rabbis used to debate whether we should light all the candles the first night and then decrease the light, or start with one candle and then increase the light by adding one candle each night. Obviously, the latter opinion won out, and we light another candle each night until we have an entire menorah-worth of lit candles, bringing as much light as we can into the darkest period of our year.

By the time you read this, Chanukah will likely itself be a dim memory, but the metaphor of bringing light into darkness holds true in many ways throughout the cycle of our year and throughout our lives. One of the things I have been thinking about as I begin to serve this community is the various ways members of a community can connect with one another. Community isn't just about attending services or events. Community is about forming a web that binds us to one another in important and profound ways. Ideally, the members of this congregation can view B.A. as not only a safe place to worship and be Jewish, but a nourishing place, a place where joys are celebrated, difficulties are supported, and the inevitable disappointments and losses of life are grieved together. In forming this sort of web, we increase the light that can in so many profound ways light the darkness of rejection, of isolation, of sadness, and can in manifold ways increase the light of joy in our delights.

One way this sort of community-building can take place is by forming a web that connects members around times of illness or other difficulties. In the short time I have been here, there have been several deaths of members' parents and several serious health concerns among members themselves. It is a poignant reminder to me about how much can happen in a short time, and how many needs there are in any community. In talking with members who have been going through hard times, it became clear to me they greatly appreciate when other B.A. members are there for them, visiting them in the hospital or at a shiva home, calling when they are ill, or running errands for them when they are incapable of doing things for themselves.

In rabbinic tradition, being visited by others was considered a vital part of a patient's cure. A fundamental teaching of our tradition is not to "stand idly by" when someone is in trouble. There is even a saying in the Talmud that one who neglects to visit the sick is "spilling his (her) blood." In other words, it is our obligation to bring light to the darkness of those who are ailing. Too many times, we don't know who needs what in our community, we don't know how to help, or we feel awkward or uncomfortable in difficult situations. And yet, we must figure out how to be there for one another.

To meet these needs, I envision putting a structure in place to communicate about and try to meet the needs of our members who are sick or otherwise in need. I would like to work with the leadership of this community to form a committee to address how we can come together to fulfill the mitzvah, the commandment of Bikor Holim. Bikor Holim literally means "visiting the sick" but it can mean so much more. I like to think of it as "meeting" people who are sick or otherwise in need at the place where they are--understanding what they need to help make their lives whole again and helping in that process.

It is often said "there but for the grace of G-d go I." There is so much truth in that statement. Each of us will experience illness, death, and other losses in our lives. Real community is based upon this simple fact: that each of us is obligated during our periods of light to bring that light to others who are in periods of darkness, and that when we are in the dark, others will come to shed light on us and help bring us back into the light.

Please think about whether you find yourself "standing idly by" when others are in need and if you feel you can make room in your life to help others in the B.A. community. This is how we build the web of community: strand by strand. If you are ready to become a more active part of this web, please let David Wohlsifer or me know. We are ready to put a committee in place that will assure members there will be someone for them when they need help. This committee is for others, but it is also for you. We hope you will join us on this new Bikkur Holim committee, and we envision this committee becoming a small community in and of itself of people who support each other as they bring light to the darkness. We look forward to hearing of your interest in this vital piece of community-building.

L'shalom,

Rabbi Marsha Pik-Nathan

So now it is cold, days are shorter, and summer feels far away. Yet so much is going on at B.A.

We just had our annual "Erev Christmas Food Fress" at Noodle Pagoda Restaurant in Olde City. More than 50 people attended a 14-course traditional Jewish Chinese food feast. The B.A. group was seated in an open balcony area of the restaurant. When we lit the menorah and said the blessings, it was interesting to note just how many other parties below were able to sing along with us.

Our recent Men’s Club movie and pizza night had 19 attendees at my house. The Men’s Club is working to plan other events in people’s homes on Saturday nights as well as the usual Sunday brunches, once a month. I hear the Erotica and Cheesecake night of the Women’s Chavurah was also well attended, but that was the only detail of the evening I could get - and believe me I tried!

Our rabbi leads services the first Friday of every month. I encourage everyone to come out and meet her. I have noticed very happily the number of people attending Friday night services is steadily increasing. So please if you have not been here yet, come to B.A.. We have arranged for free parking for you. Just call our office at 215-923-2003 and we will mail you a placard for your dashboard. You never know what you could learn, and, of course, who you could meet.

Lastly I want to remind everyone the "behind the scenes" world at B.A. needs more help. It often feels like the same 20 to 30 people are doing everything. They are nice but - please we need some new ideas!!!! (And our regular volunteers need a break.) So if you feel you would like to contribute some time to the synagogue, please call me. My number is in the back of the Shofar. We can review what time you have as well as your interests and try to match them up. You can contribute one hour a month or as much time as you’d like. It is up to you so please reach out. I really welcome the involvement of new people as well as the opportunity to meet new friends. Ask anyone involved: Stuffing envelopes, sorting mail, planning events are the prime places where friendships at B.A. are made. I encourage you to give me a call.

L’Shalom

David Wohlsifer

Beth Ahavah recently received a donation of two menorahs. The following is an excerpt of the letter enclosed with them.

After just completing the Hebrew Across America program, I wanted to inform the congregation about the components of the course and how beneficial I found it.

Our beginner class included four people. Our small group met Wednesday nights for five weeks. During our approximately two-hour sessions, we not only learned the alef-bet, but we also studied and recited several prayers.

Our teacher instructed us on the alef-bet using the book The Reishith Binah Hebrew Primer. After she taught a new letter, we would each read a line from that lesson. She then noted our progress. We also noted this progress as we were reading with more accuracy each week.

The instructor's personality and understanding of Hebrew came through during these lessons. She created a comfortable atmosphere for us, where mistakes became learning experiences.

Personally, I enjoyed practicing the prayers because it gave me the much needed opportunity to review the prayers before Shabbat.

After taking this course, I find myself able to follow the Hebrew portions of the service. Although I still follow at a slower pace, I know that by practicing each day I am getting better.

On March 16, 2001, Congregation Beth Ahavah will participate in a city-wide service at Rodeph Shalom: Celebrating 100 years of Existence of the Reform Seminary, HUC. If you would like to participate, please contact the synagogue office A.S.A.P. 215-923-2003. No audition is necessary. (More information on the service to follow.)

Lesbian erotica? That’s right! Some of us have none, some have a little, and some have bags and bags of it. At least that’s how it seemed on a wintry Saturday night in mid-December. The WRJ Women’s Chavurah of Congregation Beth Ahavah got together on a cold, windy night for a discussion of lesbian erotica.

We were all encouraged to bring some of our favorite excerpts to share with the group. Some brought none, some brought a little, and, as already mentioned, some brought bags and bags of it. There were novels, poems, short stories, magazines, and even a picture book or two. We sat around a candle-lit apartment, with hot cider and mulled wine, munching on cheesecake and sharing our favorite erotic literature.

Some read none, some read a little, and some seemed to take great pleasure in reading sexy excerpts over and over. We discussed what made good erotica and what made some erotica particularly funny. It was a thought-provoking evening, warm and validating at times, but sometimes veering off into the just plain strange. But hey, who amongst us hasn’t periodically fantasized about that blue-haired angel, Marge Simpson (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)?

As my 40th birthday approaches, (T minus 8 days and counting), I have become nostalgic and reflective. Birthdays do that. And of course, monumental birthdays add even more; things like "old" and "middle-aged." It seems like only yesterday that 20 seemed old and 30 felt like a distant number that would never belong to me. By the time you read this, my thirties will be memories and I will have hit the first "F" word (40).

During the decade that was my 30's, there were some major life changing events for me. The biggest of course was the death of my mother. It's funny how after someone is gone, the impact they had on your life becomes very clear. My mother always told me, "you need more Jewish friends." My response was always the same. With a wave of my hand and a "yeah, yeah," I dismissed her words. But she was right. She was always right.

I went through my life never really fitting in anywhere, never being part of the "clique," always feeling somewhat left out. Until my mid 30's. Between my mother's illness and an ugly breakup, I was lost. That's when I found Beth Ahavah. Well, actually I had found B.A. the year before. I had no idea that this little storefront synagogue would change my life so profoundly.

I have now been an active member of B.A. for about five years. In that time, I made many extraordinary friends, (mostly Jewish friends, Mom). I met my partner, and together we made a Jewish home. For the first time in my life, I fit in. I belong. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful this feels. I have returned to my Jewish roots. I came home. There are so many cliches that come to mind here, and if you don't mind, I'd like to use one. They say home is where the heart is. If that is true, then I am most definitely at home. Thank you so much to the people who have helped me get to this place. I love you.

by Bubbe

Hello again, my B.A. kinder. Bubbe is writing to you from her modest room in a South Beach rooming house where Bubbe hangs for the winter. South Beach used to be all old Jewish people before the hip crowd came in. Bubbe loves the new South Beach crowd, and they love your Bubbe! But kinder, your Bubbe has such tzurus. You shouldn't know from it, but Bubbe will tell you anyhow. Bubbe's niece, Shirley, just remarried for the fifth time, and her new husband's name is . . .Charles Montgomery Worthington, III. They call him Chip. Oy vey, Shirley married a WASP, and Shirley is forgetting her Jewish heritage and becoming a Waspette. She runs to the country club, she eats those fakakta little sandwiches with no crusts, and Shirley confessed that she became a Republican. But wait, kinder, it gets worse. When Bubbe asked Shirley if Shirley was making the seder this year, Shirley said she was "passing over" Passover and would have an afternoon tea for the garden club instead. Your Bubbe cried her eyes out for a week.

Here's Bubbe's problem. Bubbe just wrote a new will that leaves a large bequest to Shirley. Bubbe doesn't want to give all that money to Shirley outright. What if Shirley dies and leaves the money to Chip? Chip's family will get your Bubbe's hard-earned money. Well, your Bubbe is NOT going to get stung by Shirley the Waspette!

Bubbe immediately called Chad, Bubbe's hot, pumped, and oh-so-buff estate-planning lawyer. Bubbe reached Chad at his gym on 12th Street. When they answered at the gym, Bubbe heard the receptionist say "you'll find Chad in the steam room, where he always is!" Jewish boys like the shvitz, don't they? As always, Chad had all the answers, such a smart Philadelphia Jewish lawyer!

Chad said Bubbe should set up a charitable remainder unitrust in her will. What does Bubbe know from these things? Chad explained that the charitable remainder unitrust will hold the money Bubbe was going to give to Shirley outright. Bubbe will name a trustee and the trustee will manage the trust. Shirley will receive distributions from the trust for life, as determined by the pay-out rate specified in Bubbe's will. When Shirley dies, the remaining principal in the trust will go to a charity or charities named by Bubbe in her will. Kinder, Bubbe would love for her shul (synagogue) to get the money when Shirley dies rather than that putz Chip. This is perfect!!!

That Chad solved all of Bubbe's problems. Shirley gets the income from the unitrust, but Shirley never gets the principal. Bubbe's shul gets the money in the end. Bubbe's estate will get a generous estate tax deduction for the unitrust. Chad told Bubbe that a charitable remainder unitrust can be set up and funded while Bubbe is alive, too. Chad said it's tax-wise to fund the trust with appreciated stocks or real estate. Kinder, can you think of a situation where you don't want someone to end up with all your money because they might ultimately give it to someone you don't want to have it (like your girlfriend's new girlfriend)? Use Chad's unitrust. It's fabulous! You can leave the money to your Beth Ahavah when the trust ends. Chad told Bubbe that the wording must be perfect to comply with all the IRS regulations, so always consult your legal and financial advisors. Well, Bubbe's problems are solved. Your Bubbe invited Chad to visit South Beach and Chad accepted. Bubbe has to go now because the boys are starting a volleyball game and Bubbe helps brush the sand off the boys' Speedos. Hope the weather isn't too cold in Philadelphia!

If you want further information about how to include Congregation Beth Ahavah in your estate plan, please call the office at 215-923-2003.

The following is an excerpt from a memo from UAHC Commission on Social Action sent to all Reform Congregations.

In 1999, the Commission on Social Action sent you a resolution on the Boy Scouts of America (BSA), recommending options for action in advance of a then-pending Supreme Court action on a New Jersey case that would have ended the Boy Scout's policy of discrimination against gay scouts and scout masters.

The Religious Action Center filed as an amicus curiae in the Supreme Court case, voicing our disagreement with the Boy Scout's discriminatory policy. However, on June 28, 2000 the U.S. Supreme Court, by a 5-4 vote, overturned the New Jersey decision and affirmed the right of the Boy Scouts to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. Since then, the Boy Scouts of America has given no indication that it will change its position.

In light of the Supreme Court decision, many congregations have asked us for further guidance in responding to the latest developments. While we maintain our hope that the Boy Scouts of America will abandon its discriminatory policies, its lack of response to the many expressions of disagreement and disappointment with the policies gives us little basis for optimism. Therefore, and with pain, we must recommend that congregations sponsoring/housing troops/packs withdraw sponsorship of a troop/pack and/or stop housing one.

Even while making those difficult recommendations, we recognize that each congregation and each set of parents must, in the final analysis, make its own decisions, and that there remain many who believe that it is important to work for change from within the Boy Scouts organization. For these reasons, the Commission recommends the following range of options to those who are not yet able or willing to withdraw from the BSA:

Publicly amend the local charter: While the Boy Scouts of America does not officially recognize these individual charter agreements, and can still expel a gay scout or leader, adding a non-discrimination clause makes an important statement.

Withdraw financial support of the Boy Scouts of America: As suggested in the 1999 CSA resolution, individuals who are members of UAHC congregations can withdraw charitable donations to the Boy Scouts of America.

Continue official protests to the Boy Scouts of America: This option allows a congregation to affirm its support for Reform Jewish policies on gay and lesbian equality while maintaining support for the many affirmative aspects of scouting.

Continue personal protests to the Boy Scouts of America: Personal letters, phone calls, or even visits to local, regional, or national Boy Scout offices make a strong statement showing commitment to the Boy Scouts, while at the same time explaining deep disappointment with the choices they have made and continue to make.

Renounce personal ties with the Boy Scouts of America: Public renunciation of Boy Scout rank and/or membership by adult men makes a very powerful statement.

Publicly create programs, both for Boy Scout troops/Cub Scout packs and for congregations as a whole, to combat the message sent by the Boy Scouts of America: Membership in the Boy Scouts of America is a strong formative experience for boys, but it is up to us to turn that experience into one in keeping with our own values. We can use this opportunity as a way to teach positive lessons of inclusion.

Create and work within coalitions: For the most part, non-religious groups have taken center-stage in fighting Boy Scout policy. As religious groups are generally considered to be moral leaders, taking a vocal role in coordinating efforts to fight this discrimination could make a real difference.